Gar (God)
Biography Early Life Gar was born a human male on the planet Annoo, which is Dwartii for "Earth" around sixty-two million years before the Battle of Yavin. In his prime, Gar was a warrior who spent his free time hunting and killing dinosaurs either for sport or for food. During the first Infinity War, Gar went toe-to-toe with the mad Titan, Thanos, who used the power of the Infinity Stones to obliterate Gar. Gar, however was seen drifting between the realm of the living and the Soul Realm by the creator of the multiverse, Marn Heirogryph. Recognizing real talent within the warrior, Marn revived Gar and split his essence into three pieces. His soul became what was known as the Living Force, his mind became the Cosmic Force and his energy became the Speed Force. Together they formed the Unifying Force. Marn granted Gar the power to create any universe he so pleased and over those universes, he would have dominion. When Gar created his first universe, he accidentally also created a race known as the Celestials, primordial beings nowhere near the same power level as him, but enough that he considered them a threat, and so he bent his mighty wrath upon them and killed all but one. The one that he spared, Oobi Doob Scooby Dooby Benubi became his prisoner for centuries, torturing him without mercy. Benubi eventually escaped captivity, and in the process, created his own universe known as the Thumb Universe as a means to hide from Gar. He also secretly created three of his own god-like beings he so dubbed The Ones, and placed them on a world he created called Mortis. With the Celestials gone, Gar decided to place life in his universe, forming galaxies, planets, stars and a different variety of species to choose from. At one point, when Gar was extremely constipated, he took a huge crap and decided to give it sentience. This monstrosity of a turd became known as The Great Mighty Poo, who pledged his life to Gar and evil. Erased Timeline Gar was once ambushed by a sea Sponge with incredible power, though no match for Gar, of course. When he realized this primitive being lacked the ability to comprehend speech, he imbued him with the power to speak every existing language and interrogated him in why he attacked him. The sponge told him that he was SpongeGar, his son, who Gar had abused simply for being deformed, and then cast him back to this time, which, in the universe that he was from, was considered prehistory. Gar admitted to believing that that was something he would do, and took no shame in it. When he let his guard down, his son seized the opportunity to blast him with everything he had and it killed him. However, this caused what was known as the grandfather paradox to occur, in which they were caught in a time loop wherein Gar could never sire SpongeGar if he was dead, and SpongeGar could never be born. SpongGar managed to break free from the loop by resetting the timeline and left Gar with no memory of their interaction. Having a Son At some point, Gar discovered a universe that he believed had been created by Marn before he came into existence. This universe, in fact, was that of the Bikini Bottom-Verse, which had been created by Fred, another surviving Celestial who, upon realizing that Gar was there, hid with Benubi in Davy Jones' Locker. They reached out to Marn for assistance, but Marn was preoccupied with trying to unattach a Magic Conch Shell that Benubi had glued to his ear, which he would spend the next thirty-five years working on. With nobody to stop him from wreaking havoc, he took to harming people because it was funny and taking whatever he wanted. He eventually became hungry and stopped at a pineapple house to steal food from the kitchen. The home's owner, Spongebob Squarepants confronted Gar, and so Gar had his way with the sponge and raped him. Despite Spongebob being male, he somehow became pregnant with Gar's child, who would be born to become SpongeGar. Gar sped the pregnancy up to two months, as he had gotten tired of waiting, and as a cataclysmic result, the child came out deformed and grotesque. Naturally as his response, Gar beat both Spongebob and SpongeGar, starving them and spent the next ten years of his life living in Bikini Bottom and making their lives a living nightmare, not even so much as allowing them to go outside. One day, Gar caught his son trying to escape, so he decided that since he looked like a cave man he would force him to live with them, casting him to the prehistoric age. Not five minutes afterward, SpongeGar returned, now fully grown and powerful, and he attacked Gar with everything he had, finding himself on the wrong end of Gar's sword. As his son lay dying, Gar was lectured by Marn, who despite still having the shell stuck to his ear, came to the Bikini Bottom-Verse and berated Gar for making a mess in "his" universe. He forced Gar to leave and never return, and they all simply left SpongeGar there to die. The Infinite Empire One of the earliest civilizations established by Gar were the Rakata, who became the first race to advance technologically to the point of inventing space and later on, hyperspace. At the height of their power, the Rakata Infinite Empire created the Star Forge, which, against his own will, somehow was able to tether itself to Gar's power and draw from his Dark Side. This angered Gar, and so he sent a plague to destroy the Infinite Empire from within, eventually crippling their species and turning them from the dominant race in the galaxy to nothing more than a primitive people living underground. With the Rakata defeated, all of the other species that had been enslaved unified together. The humans of Coruscant suggested they form a Republic, and from then on the galaxy had set forth a government in their own right, and Gar was pleased with this, and so he allowed them to prosper. Gar tried to destroy the Star Forge and rid himself of that threat, but for reasons unknown to him, it would not take. Second Battle With Thanos Around 4,000 years before the Battle of Yavin, Gar sought out two old hunting partners who he had known in his time as a mortal. Two Ithorians by the name of Dob and Del Moomo. They were expert hunters in their prime, and due to their unexplainably long lifespan, which was far greater than that of an ordinary Ithorian, he chose them as disciples. He gave them extremely high midichlorian counts, exceeding that of one hundred million, though he took away they hyper-intelligence they once possessed so that should they ever attempt to overthrow him, they would be too stupid to succeed. )]] With the help of the Moomo brothers, Gar felt he was finally ready for a rematch with Thanos. So he called unto the Mad Titan and faced him in a fierce duel. This time, Thanos stood no chance, and Gar was able to cast Thanos into the Soul Realm. However, in the process, the Moomo brothers' power levels were seriously depleted, and they once again returned to mere mortals. Gar felt no pity for them, and so he cast them aside and left them the way they were: mortal and without intellect. Shortly thereafter, the Moomo brothers picked up a life of crime, serving as lowly bounty hunters in the Outer Rim. Dawn of the Jedi Thousands of years following the demise of the Rakata, an accumulation of Force-sensitive beings congregated on the world of Typhon and formed the Jedi Order. The Jedi became servants of Gar, however they knew him simply as the Force. At the same time in another universe, he created a separate version of Earth on which people knew him as God. This caused him to form an idea to create angels to keep the humans of Earth in check. When things became rather dull, Gar once again became frustrated with boredom, and so he corrupted his very best angel, Lucifer, who then betrayed Gar. Many angels followed Lucifer in the rebellion against Gar and they became demons. Seeing the conflict, Gar was pleased, and he decided to instill the same conflict in his other universe. So he corrupted a bunch of Jedi, who then became Dark Jedi and waged war against the Jedi. The Jedi all but defeated the Dark Jedi, but few on the Dark Side survived and formed the order known as the Sith, and they went into hiding until they could regain their strength and numbers. Mandalorian Wars Seeing the conflict dying down once more, Gar sparked a war between the Mandalorians and the Republic, who sought an alliance with the Jedi to overcome this conflict. The Jedi agreed to help, and then plunged into war with the Mandalorians. The Sith took this as a perfect opportunity to return and strike against the Jedi, siding with the Mandalorians. Pleased with this, Gar oversaw the conflict from afar. The Sith were soon betrayed by the Mandalorians and so they were forced to break their alliance and return to hiding. The war continued, however between the Mandalorians and the Republic. Marn Heirogryph confronted Gar when he saw that he was intentionally causing conflict in his universes and sought to put an end to it. So he went to Earth and visited a man named Noah and he told him to build an ark and to put two of each animal on it, male and female, so that he could strike a flood across the globe and wipe out the population. Only Noah and his family would survive. He also told Noah to intentionally leave off dinosaurs because he knew they were Gar's favorite animal. Marn then paid a visit to the other universe, where he took the form of a mortal and manipulated a human Jedi named Zayne Carrick into helping free Jedi that were captive by the Mandalorians, which included Alek who he knew would become a Sith, along with his Jedi Master Evan. He had set forth a contingency plan in which These two Sith would locate the Star Maps that would lead them to the Star Forge. When Darth Revan and Darth Malak discovered the Star Forge, they used its power to create their own New Sith Empire (Also known as the Jedi Civil War).Revan used his power to nearly conquer the Republic, although the Jedi set forth a trap that caused Revan to fall into a coma, and when he came to, he had forgotten that he was ever a Sith, and re-trained as a Jedi in the temple on Dantooine. During this time, Malak used the Star Forge for his own personal gain. Revan eventually went after his former apprentice, and in conclusion, Malak was killed when Revan managed to destroy the Star Forge. With it destroyed, Gar was free from his binds by the Star Forge, and to punish Malak for using the weapon for his own power, he cast the Sith's spirit into the furthest depths of Chaos. The Great Sith Purge "I'm not at liberty to divulge the nature of my activities." ----Darth Plagueis After thousands of years of constant warfare, the Jedi and Sith found themselves near the end of their war around one thousand years BBY. After one fateful battle on Morriban, the Sith were nearly destroyed entirely, with only few surviving. One Sith by the title of Darth Bane realized that the Sith would never defeat the Jedi with massive numbers and force, but by strategy and planning. So he killed all Sith who remained, allowing the Jedi to believe the Sith were finally gone for good. Bane then recruited a young girl, who he dubbed Darth Zannah, and she became the first apprentice in Bane's Lineage. This would allow the Sith to remain hidden from the Jedi, and for several genrations, an apprentice would be trained to grow stronger than their master, and once they had done this, they would kill them and repeat the cycle. This was known as the Rule of Two, and it would span for nearly a thousand years, all the way to the Sith Lords Plagueis and his master, Tenebrous. Plagueis was never fond of the idea of being killed by his apprentice, and so after he killed his master on Bal'demnic, he took on the apprentice Darth Sidious and began working on achieving immortality. Gar was beginning to tire of this constant war between the Jedi and Sith and wanted to create something new. However, rather than simply destroying them all, he found that it would be much more entertaining to watch them destroy one another. One night, Plagueis and Sidious were attempting to create a being so powerful that he would one day be able to destroy the Jedi. However, Gar saw this as an opportunity to create the Chosen One, who had been prophesied by The Ones to bring about the end of the Sith. Gar made a plan to use this being to destroy both Orders and wipe the slate clean. In 41 BBY, the boy was born on Tatooine to Shmi Skywalker, who named him Anakin Skywalker. Battle of Naboo In 32 BBY, Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi were sent on a mission to settle a dispute with the Trade Federation over the world of Naboo. After rescuing Queen Amidala, they escaped through the Viceroy's blockade, though Gar caused their shields to momentarily shut down so that their ship would be damaged and they would be forced to land on the nearest world, which was Tatooine. He led Qui-Gon to find Skywalker and take him as his apprentice, freeing him from slavery. At the same time, Gar paid a visit to Kenobi, who had stayed behind on the ship, and he showed Kenobi the truth about the Force. Obi-Wan, in turn, pledged fidelity to the almighty Gar. Gar had not realized that Kenobi had been created by Oobi Doob Scooby Dooby Benubi in his own image, and so he trusted the Jedi as his loyal servant. During the Battle of Naboo, Qui-Gon was slain by Darth Maul, just as Gar had planned, and Anakin became the Padawan of Kenobi. Return of Thanos "Yep, this is the worst job in the droid army." --''Thanos Near the beginning of the Clone Wars, Thanos finally managed to escape the Soul Realm, and through essence transfer, latched his spirit to a Battle Droid, who were servants in the army of the Confederacy of Independent Systems. He was stationed as a cleaning droid on Ryloth around in 22 BBY. When Gar learned of Thanos' return, he manipulated the Jedi into sending Kenobi and Skywalker there on a mission so that Kenobi could take care of the problem. Kenobi found Thanos scrubbing down a cell and, with power granted to him by Gar, he shut the door and locked it, making it so that even Thanos couldn't get out. Enraged, Thanos later made contact with his servant, Sio Bibble, who would eventually figure out how to set him free several years later. Once Thanos was released, he essence transferred into Bibble, and, still far too weak to take on Gar, he fled to the Unknown Regions where he'd hidden the Infinity Gauntlet. '''Days of the Empire' .]] In 15 BBY, Gar became aware that Satan had made a return to power and had somehow crossed over to the Main Universe. He possessed the body of a crime boss named Sise Fromm, who led the Fromm Gang on Annoo, which Gar had created personally as a devotion to his homeworld. Enraged by this treachery, Gar took on his mortal form and disguised as a farmer in service of Demma Moll to invstigate. He quickly saw that Fromm had been released by Satan, who had taken over the body of Emperor Palpatine himself. Gar traveled to Coruscant to confront Lucifer, casting him out of Palpatine's body and sending him into the Dark Dimension to suffer an eternity of torture. However, he became distracted trying to find Thanos and Satan was able to escape without Gar noticing, returning back to Earth 616 to rule over the Italian Empire. Just hours before the Battle of Yavin, Kenobi, who had been hiding out on Tatooine and raising Skywalker's son, Luke, took the boy as his apprentice after Luke's aunt and uncle, Owen and Beru Lars were killed in a fire by Gar, who blamed it on Imperial Stormtroopers. He planned for Luke to bring about the defeat of the Sith alongside his father and die in the process. Unfortunately, Kenobi was soon after killed by Anakin, now under the Sith name Darth Vader. To rectify this, Gar allowed Kenobi to become a Force Ghost so that he could continue to mentor Luke. In 4 ABY, Vader returned to the Light Side of Gar and killed Sidious and was killed in the process. With Sidious defeated, the Empire was crippled, and the New Republic was able to reform. To Gar's anger, Luke was not killed by Sidious as he had planned and he began reforming the Jedi Order. And soon after, the Sith would return.It wouldnt be until 138 ABY that the Sith were finally eradicated for good when Darth Krayt was killed by Cade Skywalker. When Cade would once again attempt to reform the Jedi, Gar became frustrated and sent a plague into the galaxy that would wipe out every Force-sensitive in the galaxy. Once he saw that his work was done, he finally rested with satisfaction. First Coming of Jesus Gar allowed Obi-Wan Kenobi to retake the form of a human, setting him on Earth as none other than Jesus Christ, born in Bethlehem to the virgin Mary and her husband, Joseph in O A.D. (55,982 ABY). For 33 years, Kenobi preached the word of Gar and told the people that he was there to save them. Eventually, the Romans became angry with this "Messiah", as he so proclaimed to be, so they hung him up on a cross and crucified him. However, Kenobi promised that he would return for a final Tribulation. 'The Final Battle' After the Second Infinity War on Earth 616, Thanos, now returned to his true form was without the Stones, but he still drew power from a mysterious force that Gar was not aware of. He did not at the time realize that Thanos had been given this power by Oobi Doob Scooby Dooby Benubi. Thanos attacked Gar for the final time fifty-eight thousand years after the Battle of Yavin. Gar was nearly completely destroyed, and Thanos believed he'd finally ended his foe. He began his work conquering the galaxy Gar had created, subjugating the inhabitants and setting up his palace on Coruscant. Before he could gain much head in his reign, however, Gar resurfaced for one final battle, and, destroying Coruscant in the process and all who lived there, Gar defeating Thanos and finally killed him. Benubi was most displeased upon learning of Thanos' demise, so he sent Kenobi, who served him in secret to Gar to get Gar extremely drunk. Once intoxicated, Kenobi convinced him to commit and act so vile and treasonous that Marn Heirogryph would have no choice but to punish him. Kenobi convinced Gar to create Disney Canon, and when Marn learned of this, he was very unhappy. He confronted Gar, interrogating him as to why he created such "poodoo". After the confrontation, Marn, backed by Benubi and Kenobi engaged in a fearsome duel with the drunken Gar. They easily defeated him, and as punishment, Marn extracted the power he had once bestowed unto Gar, along with all memories of his past life. He left him stranded on the Earth 872 he created in what was known as 2018 AD as a mere mortal to live out his days. Joining the X-Force A few months later, the mortal Gar, now known simply as Peter, discovered an ad for the X-Force, a team of superheroes founded by Deadpool in order to stop a time traveller known as Cable from killing a boy named Russell. Deadpool, recognizing Gar for who he really was, initiated Peter into the X-Force, even naming the team that out off inspiration from the Force. Soon after, every member of the team was killed nearly immediately into their mission, and Peter decided to cut his losses. After the fiasco, he went home and banged his wife for the first time in fifteen years. Three years after the X-Force disbanded, Peter was doing housework, and accidentally fell off of a ladder. He landed on his head, which caused him to go braindead and fall into a coma. In exchange for $30,000 in life insurance, his wife elected to have him mercy-killed. Legacy Gar led no real legacy. Were it not for the psychic, George Lucas, his stories never would have been told, and he would have been forgotten after one tuna sandwich and a cold whiskey. Personality and Traits Gar was kind of a dick, to say the least. He beat his son, SpongeGar constantly and without mercy, and that was just what was known about the mysterious life of Gar. Appearances * ''Star Wars'' * The Holy Bible * ''Deadpool 2''